Do you know someone who seems to always have problems? I had a friend once who literally had a new problem manifest for him every week! These were real issues – from his Dog getting sick, to his Storage Shed flooding or his belongings being stolen, it was always the same…every week something else to worry about. I would get frustrated watching him go through this, because behind it all was a mindset he was stuck in. A mindset that was obviously not serving him well, but none the less, it was a mindset that got him the goodies he was after, in the form of sympathy and attention. He was stuck in a victim mentality. For him to be anything other than a victim was foreign to his thinking. He had a bad thing happen to him as a child and a young adult, therefore he must carry it with him always and attract more suffering, in order to emphasis that original hurt.
Do you know anyone like this?
I used to be in a victim mentality. I am not proud to admit it, but I was. It is not an easy place to be. It hurts and it makes life hard.
It is very difficult to rise up and out of this mind set, too. You have to become aware of yourself, catch yourself thinking self defeating thoughts. Become your own cheer leader and even if you have regrets or setbacks, never let them get in the way of having a light in your mind. A light that makes you want to be more, do more and have more. A light that encourages you to rise out of bed every morning and take the next step toward happiness.
I had a difficult childhood, my family moved from Scotland to Australia when I was 4. I never really fit in at school, and although I had friends, I always felt different. I had ghosts scaring me at night, after all. I was a spiritual girl in a physical world.
When I was 11, my Father was transferred from Redcliffe (a sea side town near Brisbane in Queensland) to Mt Isa (an outback Mining town isolated by semi-arid desert). I had lived in two countries, I had academic parents who had taken me all over Australia on holidays and I had a secret spiritual gift, I felt very isolated and I didn’t feel like I fit in. That ‘s not to say any of the kids were any better or worse than me…I was just different. I had a lonely childhood and I became a lonely adult, too. I contracted a life threatening illness when I was 19, studying Medicine of all things. I had to defer my studies and I made the mistake of falling in love with the wrong man. At 22, I found myself alone with 2 babies and no Degree.
I was, at that time, struggling to cope, not letting anyone see that I was struggling and feeling very much the victim. While all my friends were travelling the world, I was at home with two crying babies and no partner to support me back into my schooling.
One day, when I was 23, I was on the phone to an old chum who was living in Japan. I told him I was looking to do a self-confidence course and I wanted to break free of my situation.
He said something to me, which changed my view of myself and gave me the power to step up and out of my victim mentality. He said, ‘Catriona, you are the only person I know who is always trying to better themselves.’ That one sentence started a chain reaction within me…slowly, I began to become aware of myself and the regular things I would say. I heard myself say “I am angry’ and I thought, wow I am an angry person, I had never really viewed myself in that light. I heard myself say ‘ I always feel like crying’ and I realised I was always very upset and always on the verge of tears…I had always thought I was able to cope. I heard myself say ‘ I doubt my abilities and my intelligence’ and I realised that even though I was smart enough to get into medicine and top my class in Bio-Chemistry, I thought of myself as stupid, for having made the decision to fall in love with a man who left me holding the babies. It took me a few years, but slowly, I began to forgive myself. I would try to step outside of myself when I found myself muttering away about some mistake I’d made. I would let that mutter happen and then remind myself of how far I’d come.
I had no Degree and only my gifts and talents to fall back on, so there was nothing for it, I decided to develop this gift. To learn more about it and to finally take control over it. Soon enough I got my first job as a Professional Reader and then I began working in two different shops in Town and I got a gig at the Australian Psychic Expo.
I began to establish a name for myself. I believed in me again.
Then, I made another mistake in love and met a man who slowly began to take over my life. A Misogynist. Around that time, I moved town and went closer to my Mother for support, but he had a grip on me and I was not yet confident enough to shake free of him. It took me two attempts and two years of unhappiness, but I eventually did shake free and I went back to my career. A year later, a 4 tonne truck smashed into the back of my stationary car and gave me a Whiplash injury for life. But I kept looking forward. I moved town to further my career, but I became very depressed, because I found it hard to physically move.
Slowly, I took heart in not letting this be the end of me and I studied and became a Civil Celebrant.
I did more Expos, took more Clients and I became a J.P (Qual). But, at the height of my Funeral Celebrancey, I was betrayed by three friends and my world crashed down around me. I spent two months wondering why and then got up and started looking at how I could move my career forward.
A year later I hit absolute burnout. I received a diagnosis of Adrenal Burnout and was given anti-depressants and several supplements to take to help me through. The anti-depressants shot my Liver and I ended up in the Emergency ward of the hospital with high blood pressure and chest pain. I had to give my kids to others to look after.
I had to sleep up to 17 hours a day.
But I used my waking time to write a stage show I wanted to do…always keeping my mind in the light.
My show flopped, the big floods of January this year took all of the interested people’s attention, rightly, to saving their homes. But I didn’t say die. I learnt how to Brand myself on the internet, I met some important people and now I have my own Radio Show!
My life has been a massive struggle. It has not been a walk in the park. I am not the figure of perfection, I am flawed, I was broken and I was hurt. But, I took heart that others believed in me, even if it was my one friend in Japan, who told me so. It was enough to get me out of the way of myself and become someone my Mother and Father can be proud of. Someone I am happy to present to others.
If you have had it tough, I am your compassionate ear. If you are hurting I am willing to give you my hard earned wisdom, however, if you are wallowing in your own misery and do not wish to see the light in your mind…I cannot help you because you choose not to help yourself. We must all take the first step to recovery. Even if that means we will stumble and fall along the way.
Life is not here to dish you out a silver spoon filled with chocolate. Even the Prince of Wales has suffered set backs and hardships…Life is here to get you dirty, in the mud-so to speak – it is here to teach you lessons and to make you grow.
A friend of mine, who was on the News last night (07-07-2011) has written a book about the lessons she has learnt. Her name is Trish Jenkins and her book is called Dangerous Wealth, look her up on the net! Trish Jenkins
She was sucked into a scam and she made a mistake that landed her in jail for 8 months. She picked herself up and dusted herself off and used her lessons to help others. I believe that is why we go through adversity, not only to learn for ourselves, but to then impart that hard earned wisdom onto others.
A tree must first start as a seed and struggle through the soil to make it to the light. It must trust in Mother Earth to feed and water it. It must endure animals and insects scratching its bark and eating its leaves. But, if it is strong enough in its will to live, It will mature into a majestic giant and become a resting place for others to dwell. A kind loving soul, who knows adversity, but who has found a way to overcome it. That is how I see myself and that is how I encourage you to look at your life too.
We are all important, we are all worthy and we all have value. Let’s encourage each other to grow toward the light. Encourage each other’s dreams and take the time to respect each other for the lessons we have learned and the wisdom that those lessons can teach. Live well, be kind to yourself and support others out of their difficulty, that is why we are here.
That is the greatest gift we can give One another.
- Hayley Rose Horzepa: Are You a Victim of a Victim Mentality? (huffingtonpost.com)
- A Book that Allows you to Reinvent… the Best Antidote Against Adversity (prweb.com)
- Nine Tips for Living an Extraordinary Life (imaginethespirit.wordpress.com)
- Left Behind (thegourmetgirls.wordpress.com)
- Victim Mentality in the Birth Machine (birthnavigators.wordpress.com)