Occasional Self Doubt.

So how are you coping with life just now?  How’s your personal journey travelling?  There is so much change and uncertainty around, it is not a wonder that the running theme with my clients this week has been that of self doubt.  I am not immune to this internal menace.  Self doubt can be crippling and if you let it, it can overrule your life and prevent you from moving forward and taking opportunities.

Self-Doubt

Self-Doubt: image thanks to miller-mccune.com

I went through a period of about a year and half of self doubt around 4 years ago.  I had been successful in my work, I was growing my reputation as a Funeral Celebrant and I had people flying interstate just to have a Reading with me.  Everything was going smoothly, or so I thought.  There were issues in my life around my nuclear family which were beginning to take their toll and were unable, at the time to be resolved.  Because of this, my mind-set was a little crumpled and more and more as I stepped out into he outside world, I was feeling beaten down by the competitive nature of others in my industry.  I began to feel I wasn’t as good as them, I began to think that my abilities were not as powerful and not as accurate.  I couldn’t take the cattiness of women and the mind games of co-workers.  Normally, I’d just ignore this kind of behaviour and rise above it, or just don’t get involved, but during this time, I let myself get affected by it.

Self doubt had begun to win.  I stopped working as a professional clairvoyant, I took less and less funeral jobs and I began to hide from the world.  I was afraid that I wasn’t good enough and that my abilities were not all I’d thought they were.

This went on for a good 18 months.  Until one day, a woman rang me in a state of confusion and grief.  She asked if I could counsel her and help her to get her head around her life.  I felt badly for this person and I agreed.  However, that day, I also received another phone call.  This one was from a Dr, to tell me the results of some tests.  I was told that one of my children had a special need.  I now had to get my head around both of my children having been diagnosed with a disability.  My emotional state, was a heavy low.  I needed some time out and my Mother came and took me for a coffee.  The woman I’d agreed to help rang me several times.  She wanted to see me earlier, she was a mess.    Eventually, I picked myself up and took myself home.

Counselling session

Image thanks to tharagayhouse.co.za

I greeted my client and sat down with her, I drew a map of her life and we discussed what was out of balance and what was in need of some more attention.  I gave her a plan and I made her a cup of tea and I let her talk.  In the end I told her why I hadn’t answered my phone and she was humbled.  She hadn’t considered that I would have had my own issues to deal with that day, and that was ok.

From that time on, more people began to ring me and seek out my expertise.  I didn’t advertise and I hadn’t told many people what I did.  They were recommended to me or my card mysteriously jumped out of their bookshelf. I’d get phone calls from people who’d seen me at a big festival 6 months before and they wanted to thank me for the advice I’d given them.  I was being propped up, by my Guides.  My guides were showing me that my abilities were real and that I was good enough.

My Guides and the people who I’d Read for in the past, were slowly showing me, it was all going to be ok and that it was just fine for me to believe in myself.  They were showing me that they needed me to believe in myself again.  They were showing me that if I did believe in myself I could be successful at what I do.  So, after a while, I did.  I chose to let go of the faces in my mind whose eyes were piercing at me, telling me I wasn’t as good as them.  I realised that more than likely I was a threat to them and that is why they treated me so.  I let go of the words “I’m not good enough’ and I replaced them with the words ‘I am good enough’ and ‘I can do it’.

I started to allow myself to feel good about whom I am and to embrace my life once and for all.  I think this was the key to the big change.  I really just said ‘stuff it, stuff all the attitudes that I’ve encountered.  They don’t represent me.  They are not who I am.  I am me and I deserve my place in life.’

So I over came that period of self doubt and I began to grow in my strength.

I still sometimes hear words of self doubt in my mind.  But when that happens, I choose to remind myself of all the achievements I’ve made.  I think of all the good things I have going and all the blessings I have.

There is always going to be someone better than you and someone lesser than you.  But you are also that someone who is better than another and lesser than another.  That is why we are here to teach each other.  Life would be boring if we were all growing at the same speed.

Lady in the garden.

Lady in the Garden: image thanks to blog.travelpod.com

Self doubt is a dark pace to dwell.  If you are feeling low and your mind is filled with the lies that self-doubt speaks, turn it around by stepping out into the garden and looking at the things you know are real.  The grass under foot, the sky above.  The bird in a tree.  Then remind yourself of the things you know are real and good about you.  Your achievements, your good heart and your blessings.  Each time self doubt creeps back, choose to prove it wrong by learning more and being more and living more.  Don’t let it win.  You will find the cold dark cave of self doubt is no place for a beautiful kind soul like yourself.

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