Lets talk about your state of mind.  You know that when your state of mind is positive the world looks brighter and when it is negative, the world looks dull and you too will look dull to others.  In fact if you continuously have a negative state of mind, you will actually age faster than your peers and etch lines on your face to add to the effect.

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State of mind is such a powerful thing.  I was at a life coaching seminar one year and they were teaching us about state of mind, they just called it ‘state’.  They fired us all up and got us pumped with high energy music and dancing and a feel good atmosphere and then they produced a 3cm thick board and they told us to hit the board and break it in half.  Now I’d only ever seen this done by black belt karate dudes on TV, so I certainly didn’t think someone like me could smash a board, but you know, in that state of mind, I put my fist through it like it was just a flimsy piece of plastic.  Then they pulled out an arrow and held it to the little dint in our throat, you know the vulnerable windpipe spot?  We got mega pumped and they told us to walk our bodies into the arrow and break it.  It took me a few goes, because the fact was it intimidated me to do this insane thing. But I just went to the back of the line and jumped around like a little kid and got even more fired up and then I found myself in this mind set where I could actually see flames in my inner eye. In that state of mind I just walked through the arrow and snapped it – falling onto the poor lady holding it up!  Then I went off, jumping around like a jack in the box even more because I did it!

That seminar taught me that I could do whatever I had to,  to get the job done.  It told me to focus and create a headspace that was for winning and then go for whatever I wanted because I can.  I have to say, I was on an absolute high for a week after that weekend, I loved it.  If you can get yourself to a life coaching seminar, I fully recommend it.

But we aren’t talking about seminars here; we are talking about state of mind.  I’ve met quite a few people of late who are stuck in a victim mentality.  You know it, we’ve all been there, the poor me, everyone hurts me, I’m always last, I can’t love myself, I don’t know how.  Everything bad always happens to me, I am not worth it, I have nothing to show for my life, I hate my job, everyone at work hates me…yada yada yada…yep, it’s a toxic combination and it can be addictive.  Silly how things that make you feel really bad, can be addictive, hey?  At first, you are genuinely the victim, you’ve been hurt by someone significant or been in a situation of trauma, but it never really resolves itself and you spiral into a mud puddle in your mind.

The body, as we all know is made up of 70% water and as we all know water holds emotions.  Well those emotions poison that water in your body, if they vibrate at the energy of unhappy for too long.  Especially if your mind is cut off from your feelings and the emotions are stored inside, without the flow of tears to release those emotions and feelings, your appearance will prune up.  Soon you’ll be 40 looking 50!  Don’t do it to yourself, people who genuinely care, will find it hard to be around you.  It’s not good.  Counselling and working through it are the best ways.  For me, I found doing martial arts forced me to hit some major emotional barriers.  Because when I had to do kata’s in sequence with others, it transported my mind back to when I was 13 and all the kids were laughing at me in Physical education class because I couldn’t do a task.  I hadn’t even thought about it, all these years, until that moment when I suddenly felt the emotions wrap me up and squeeze the tears out.  I had to go to the loos, so embarrassing.  But it’s better out than in.  You know?

How are you feeling?  Is there some issue that is affecting your state of mind?  It’s a process of peeling the emotional onion to get the core of those emotions and set yourself free.  I think that at that point, you will feel the freedom of enlightenment, because in my mind, enlightenment is when you no longer have emotional attachments to negative experiences or people and therefore, you no longer have a vulnerability to  negative state of mind.

State of mind can be changed with determination, just by putting on a funny movie, or getting in some exercise, playing with a loving animal or doing something creative.  You are never going to change your state of mind, by doing a task that is ho hum and boring like the laundry, unless you love laundry that is, believe it or not I have met people who love to wash clothes!

Be aware of your state of mind.  Be aware of the things you say about yourself and to others.  Catch yourself saying negatives about yourself or about life.  Write down what those catch phrases are, it may be a phrase like…’it makes me feel angry when’, or ‘I can’t’, or ’ I don’t’ think I can’, or ‘I never get what I want’… whatever the catch phrase is, it’s time to name and shame that little sucker, because it’s sucking the life right out of you.

People, who live in a positive state of mind, sometimes have to work hard to stay up there.  No one said being positive all the time is easy and if we were all bouncing around like I was at the seminar, well we’d all be locked up in the insanity ward.  But it is easy to make it a conscious habit of saying to yourself, I am worthy.  I am happy, I am good enough, I am kind, I am a person who has a purpose and a reason for living.  I am loved.

Say it to yourself until you believe it and it becomes a habit to say these positives about you and your life. Then and only then, will you come to the realisation that you have achieved a new, happier state of mind.


Self Love

When you were a child at primary school, did the other kids ever taunt you and tell you that you ‘love yourself’?  Like that meant you were supposed to be full of yourself and your ego would explode on the walls?  I remember kids saying that to each other all the time.

I remember getting sucked into it and telling other kids this mean thing aswell.  It was seen as wrong to love yourself, because they didn’t understand there is a difference between being full of your own self worth and having self love.

self love
self love

These days, I can proudly say that yes, I do love myself.  But I am not very good at keeping an inflated ego, (I just wouldn’t fit through the door frames) so I keep my self love to myself .  It shows to others in the way I act and present myself both in person and online.  It’s easy and when I think back to those times when I found that I felt I had to reject myself for whatever reasons, I remember that I was always so very stressed out.  Self rejection takes allot of work.   I think it does, you know.  I think rejecting yourself is a full time job that can consume your mind and can harden your heart to the softer, more colourful experiences life has to offer.  I am not perfect, I am still hard on myself and I still feel down about myself sometimes.  But there is always something I can think about that makes me feel happy about me again and something I can focus on that gives me a sense of self worth.

When I was 17, I attempted to commit suicide.  I couldn’t see that I was loved and that anyone cared.  I felt that there was no point anymore and that I was ugly.  I had begun to drink and smoke too much and I was an occasional drug user.  I found that when I was sober, I couldn’t string two words together, I had lost my confidence to speak.  I began to seep away from the world in to the black cave in the very back of my mind and there, I hid and hoped that someone would find me.  But all that found me was more pain and it was allot of hard work to stay there.  I had to believe I deserved to be there, I had to convince myself that no one wanted me in the light, I had to convince myself that I was invisible.

This state of mind led me to taking some sleeping pills.  I slept all day and in the afternoon, I was disappointed that I awoke to the sound of a knock on my door.  It was a friend of mine, who had been suffering from terrible regular migraines.  She was also in the play at the local theatre that I was in and she came to pick me up to go to a theatre troop party.  I knew she held me in high esteem, I had laid my hands on her several times and literally drawn the pain energy out of her body, I would then go and hug a tree and transfer it into the trees at the front of her house…her trees grew very green!  When I had drawn enough of the pain energy out of her body, she would relax and sleep, wake up pain free.  I knew all this was between us, but I was selfish enough to think that my little dark cave was the best place for me.


Self Love Hands
Self Love Hands

I didn’t tell her what I had tried to do.  I went with her to the party and watched and listened as all the other theatre members grew excited about Opening night the following week.  I was a key member of the cast.  Not the lead, but a key member, just the same.  Had I taken too many of those sleeping pills, I would have finished the play and hurt all those people.

Later that night, we all went out to a night club, we lived in the outback town of Mt Isa, so everybody knew everybody…I was greeted by all these friendly acquaintances.  People who wanted to know how I was and what I was doing.  If my plan to take my life had come through, I would have hurt them too, because from a distance, my life mattered to them.

Even though all this information was passing into my brain, it wasn’t registering as I say it to you now.  What did register was that, I wasn’t actually serious about taking my life, and I wasn’t meant to die that day.  I was mean to live.  So I chose to live.  I chose to find a way out of that cave and into the light again.  It took me years and years.  I began to take notice of the things I said about myself, to myself and to others.  I began to look for why I was sad and to find a way to change it.  I began to see that I was worthy of love and that I was a worthy person to live and to breathe.  I began to realise I could achieve and that all along I had been making achievements.

Waves of Self Love
Waves of Self Love

My self love is not built on my own self importance.  I’m a mother, that is kind of put to one side in favour of the importance of my family.  My self love is based on my ability to see myself as a worthy person.  As a person who can and does achieve and contribute to the world, even if it is in a very small way.

It has been hard to see this for many reasons, but one big one has been that, because I was feeling so low, I was prey for the predator called narcissist.  These predators come in the disguise of friend, or lover, they can be a boss or a co-worker.  They are not very self loving actually, because they want to make someone else miserable to make themselves feel better…thus they lack self love.  But they can be very manipulative and controlling. Very charming in the beginning and very much make themselves out to be the teacher or the mentor you the sad one, is seeking.   When you have low self-esteem, you are an easy target for the likes of these predators.

If you are someone with low self-esteem and felling sad and lost.  Be aware that you are leaving yourself open to the narcissists of the world to prey on you and keep you down.

Better to begin a plan to bring yourself out of the conundrum of lacking self love and back into the light.  Better to find each day 10 min to tell yourself you are a good person and to take that time to see what you have achieved that day.  Better to feel good about that small achievement and build on that for the next day and so on until most of your private thoughts are filled with positive messages.  Then you will not be touched by the likes of a narcissist, because they cannot find a way to hook in a happy person.  A happy person is not vulnerable to the lies and the manipulations of a narcissist.  A happy person is free.

Self love is a choice and it is your birth right.  It is a natural gift each of us has to ourselves and to the rest of the world.  If we don’t practise self love more and more, we will never find our way into the light.  Imagine the world of Humans if we were all self loving creatures.  We would radiate so much love for ourselves and each other, that we would be truly sentient and peaceful.  There would never be any need for war again.

Do yourself a favour today, tell yourself ‘I love you’ and mean it.