Body Image, Relationships &Gratitude

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Sometimes I think people put too much pressure on themselves to be of a so called perfect body shape in order to attract a partner.   Those people that I have known who buy into having to be super slim to get a man or a woman to fancy  them, tend to end up with people who are superficial and who only want to see that outer beauty and not the real beauty of a person, the beauty within.  ‘Time stops for no man’ they say and this is so true in regards to the shape of your body.  Bodies change; bodies grow and evolve as we grow older.  They never stay static and believe me, you won’t look the same way you did a 25 when you are 50, so why stress so much about body image, just to land a partner?  In fact, in regards to women and their idea of body image, I haven’t met one man yet who doesn’t think curves rock!  They love them.  It’s only the fashion designers who despise curves.  They need to sell clothing and so they keep the clothes small.  Here in Australia, the average size of a woman is size 12.  That equates to size 8 in the USA and a size 10 in the UK.   This is a healthy weight, a weight range to be happy with and in doing so, you will find that everything changes for you.

When I met my partner, I had put on a little weight because I had gone through a major period in my life full of struggle and hardship and I had become burnt out and depressed.  So I wasn’t exercising as much and food became a comfort for me.  I was a size 14 in Aussie clothing and he still fancied me.  He still liked what he saw and he still wanted to get to know me.  In fact, now I am a little chubbier, because that time of being burnt out made me sedentary and then I ended up with some health issues and I couldn’t get back to the gym.  Guess what?  He’s still here.  With my pot belly and flabby arms, he’s still hanging around.

It’s because he is able to see beyond my imperfections and he realises that I am motivated to change when the time is right and really, if I didn’t care and I was happy with the way I am he’d be happy too.  He just isn’t worried so much, because he thinks curves rock.  He’s not super slim, either.  But I don’t care because when I look at him, I see a beautiful person and I like him just the way he is.

True love transcends all the superficial stuff.  True love doesn’t care that you’ve just had a baby and your belly is a bit floppy and your boobs are huge.  True love doesn’t mind that you have chubby thighs or that your nose has a hook in it.  True love only sees the heart and the heart, personality  compatibility and communication are what make a relationship tick.

I spent many years in my adult life alone, without a partner.  Many of these years were by choice I must admit, because I didn’t want to find I’d made a bad choice and regret entangling my life with someone who was wrong for me.  So when I did meet someone, it meant that I had the perspective of knowing that I have been alone and I like not being alone now.  It means that I never take him for granted.

Relationship in a Rut
Relationship in a Rut: Image thanks to

Too many relationships end up in a rut where each person is going through the motions of the day and they forget to stop and remember why they are with that person and why it is wonderful to have them around.  We get caught up in the rat race too easily and this can take over the joy of the little things.  If you are in a relationship, try and remember to stop and be grateful for the one you are with every day and if you can, let your heart be filled with gratitude that they have chosen to stick around and be with you.  This choice of gratitude will make up some of the glue that keeps you together.  I think it’s also important to put yourself in the other person’s shoes once in a while and to reiterate to them what you have observed.  So that they know that you are thinking of them and that you appreciate their efforts.  This is also important in keeping the relationship glued together.

In doing these things, in loving the body your partner occupies and in loving your own, in accepting the imperfections of each other and in allowing yourself to stop and feel the gratitude for the life you have together, you will not overload your love with demands.  Because love soars when it is not overloaded with demands.  How can a bird fly if it is covered in oil?  Its feathers are overloaded and it cannot take off.  Love cannot fly either if you demand it to be skinny or to earn more money or be more sociable or whatever the issue may be.  If you were to back off from what is annoying and encourage what is wonderful, your love will grow to heights you could never expect or even dream of.

For those of you who are reading this and you are single.  Do not worry, your time will come.  There are billions of people in this world and therefore billions of possibilities for love.  Just remember that you are at your most attractive when you are happy with yourself.  When you have no pressure on yourself to be a certain way.  Just allow yourself to be free.  Of course if your Dr says lose weight, you should do so, but this may be the key to you feeling that freedom.  But if you are chasing perfection, let it go and just love yourself in this moment, for the reasons that brought you here and make the choices to live within that sense of freedom, to find yourself and find the love you deserve, within yourself,  for who you are.  Then, when the time is right, your one true love, may just meet you and a new life together can begin.

Easy to Love You
Easy to Love You: Image thanks to

When you are with The One, that togetherness is easy.  There is no regular tears or fighting, there is no regular dramas or hassles.  There is just the ebb and flow of life and all that entails.  It is a wonderful and fulfilling experience to be with another person who is your best friend, your lover and your confident.  If you have that, never take it for granted, don’t’ place pressure on it and never hold on too tight for fear of losing it either.  Just love it with all your heart and soul.  True love is awesome and I wish for each and every one of you the opportunity to experience it.




A Description of Love.

Little Baby From God
Little Baby From God: Image thanks to

When a baby is born, it is a creature full of potential.  Potential is like power, it does not vibrate in the light or in the dark.  It just is.  Potential is possibility, the future growth, the magical wonder of what could be.  In order for that potential to be allowed to become fulfilled it needs one vital ingredient… Love.  You can give a child food and water and clothing and shelter, you can give them toys and games and education and discipline, but that child will remain an empty vessel never ever able to reach its full potential without love.  It is the vital ingredient to growing a happy healthy and well-rounded Human Being.  It is so vital in fact that science has taken note of it.  Studies have been done on the difference that touch makes to premature infants.  Even Autism advocate and Bovine expert, Temple Grandin, found a way to experience the physical comfort of love, by creating a machine that could hold her body in a light squeeze.  Thus releasing the vital chemicals in her brain she needed in order to be a happier person.

Love is expressed both spiritually and sexually, it is expressed via the heart and via the head, and it is expressed through actions and through thinking.  It is, in its pure form, a compassionate act.  An act of service and of kindness.  Love grows within the bearer as well as within the recipient every time it is expressed.  It goes beyond emotions, love is a feeling.  It knows no boundaries of time and space, no fence lines, no barriers of country or language.  Love does not care what colour you are, what religion you are, what species you are.  It doesn’t even care if you have style and flair, or if you prefer to dress for comfort.  Love just is.  Love just wants to grow.  It is like a perpetual motion machine.  Like an ancient tree, living for eternity, flowering and going to fruit, spreading its seeds in the hearts and minds of all who breathe in the oxygen it produces.

Love is the essence of a new born baby.  A chick hatching from an egg, a Joey kangaroo climbing up its mother’s fury tummy to finish it’s gestation within her pouch.

Love is the willingness to stop, wait, listen and consider another.

Love is generous.  It gives for the sake of giving.  Knowing that in giving love, it will grow in love and it will then spread more love and where there is love, there is light and freedom and courage.  Love respects others; it stands back and allows others their space.  It shows itself respect by respecting others too.  Love considers the needs and wants of others, it considers the belongings of others and what others find to be of importance.  Love wants to learn about those things and to grow from that learning.

Lady Beetle
Lady Beetle: Image thanks to

Love delights in the little things: in a Lady Beetle gliding over a blade of grass, in the light in a child’s eyes when they see something for the first time.  Love delights in delight.  For delight is an enlightening joy in the heart of the delighted and love is at the centre of that delight.  It is the spark that creates that feeling of joy and wonder within.

Love is kind and considerate.  Love says, how you are or how was your day.  Love offers to pick up a dropped item or serve another with a drink of water to quench their thirst.  Love is kindness and kindness is love because, One cannot be kind without first feeling the pull of love to act.  Love creates the urge to be kind and to act on that urge.  Love is noble in kindness.

Love is forgiving, for love knows that only in the making of mistakes, can a heart or mind fully learn the lessons it needs in order to grow.  A seed must break the surface tension of the soil, in order to feel the sun’s rays upon its skin.  So too must a heart and mind face challenges and grow, in order to bask in the light of love.  Love has the capacity to forgive, because it is aware of this fact and it knows how far love itself has come.

A Mother's Love
A Mother's Love: Image thanks to

Love is committed to being loving and spreading love.  Love is a contagious virus that infects the heart even before it is born and is essential in the proper growth of an animal child.  Even some snakes nurture their young.  The jaws of a Crocodile may offer death to many who encounter them, but to that of a new born baby Crock they are a safe haven, mother’s tongue gently pressing them against her palate, as she carefully places them into the water.  Not all animals are nurtured by their parents, but all are loved, because love is radiated from Mother Earth Herself.  She gives love to all Her children, She permeates Her love to those animals who are abandoned by their parents and She provides them shelter and food and warmth.  Even a desert lizard is given a drink of water from the morning dew, via the boundless energy of love…as is understood by environmental science.

Love inspires the heart and mind to grow.  It gives the heart a platform to speak and the mind an outlet to perform.  Love encourages the potential to be teased out of the heart and mind, creating a dynamic that expands them to their full capacity, whatever that capacity may be.  Love inspires the brush of paint on a canvas or the stroke of a pen on a page.  Love is the muse who encourages the inventor to continue on his quest and or the poet to write his song.  Love inspires love to be spread by love and to be expressed by love. Love is inspirational.

The foundations of love are respect, delight, kindness, generosity, forgiveness and inspiration.

Like a spectrum of love, each of these words has a colour and a vibration.  Should we paint the colours of these words onto a spectrum wheel and spin it fast, we would see how each of these words merges into the next to form the white light of love.   Thus, love can become visible to the naked eye.  Dr Emoto found this out when he photographed a molecule of water after he had meditated over it chanting the word ‘love’.  The snow flake like appearance of the water molecule, is a thing of beauty and wonder, in itself.  Love is worth the effort of prayer and meditation.

Hands of Love
Hands of Love : Image thanks to

You are a vessel of water.  A vessel of water that has the potential to feel and give and believe and express love.  You have the choice to be loving and to dwell your mind in delight.  You have the choice to be a loving and kind person, a person who is brave enough to forgive and kind enough to be generous.  You are a person who has the capacity to be inspired by others and to be an inspiration.   Love is your true guide in life.  Embrace it, it is your birth right.  Love is free and it is within your true nature. Love is natural.


On Matters of The Heart…

romanctic leisure..!!
Image by Soumyadipto Ghose via Flickr

There has been a recurrent theme with my clients this week.  It has been that of un-requited love and in particular, my clients looking to their love interest to make them happy.

I have seen allot of this thinking over the years and I see it as a trap in the Human psychology.  Matters of the heart run a very fine line.  For many people it is much easier to fall in love than it is to let go.  For many, the process of letting go involves getting nasty and becoming a shadow of their former selves, full of hateful spite and bitterness.  Many people also fall into the trap of mistaking sexual desire for that of heartfelt love and this often leads to an empty relationship, which creates a lonely hole in the heart of those involved.

In my experience as a Spiritual Advisor, I have seen how looking for someone else to make a person happy, or lust mistaken for love, have created a great deal of hurt and distrust in my clients.  This style of thinking is setting you up for a fall and a big one at that.  If you think getting up and dusting yourself off and finding another person to fill in that hole in your heart will fix it, you will be sadly mistaken.  Instead of finding Wedded Bliss, you will find another rack of bad memories and heart aching moments in time.

The question of love is a major one in most people’s minds from the time they hit puberty.  It is such a serious subject, because, it is in our most intimate relationships that we are forced to learn and to grow.  Many people, including myself, end up regretting having ever met a significant person in our lives and many people, including myself, have made the mistake of taking another person on, only to realise that they too are a big mistake.  It is such a difficult thing, to use discernment when you are finding yourself attracted to a person and your mind is swirling with questions of wonder and your heart is filling with feelings of attachment.

There is a very real truth that I must remind you all of, before I go on.  No one person can make you happy.  The true path to real contentment is within your own heart and mind.  It cannot be filled by another.  They have no physical way of getting into your heart and mind and healing you.  This is and must be, your own journey.  A significant friend can support you, bolstering your spirits and believing in your progress and your ability to heal, but they cannot do it for you.  So, if you are someone who is looking to others to heal you or to make you happy, stop now.  Stop now, before you become that other person’s bad memory.  Stop now, before your neediness ruins your precious relationship or the opportunity of having a precious relationship.  Back off and go and get some counselling.  It is the only way you will heal and set yourself and everyone around you free.

Clients who come to me, having based their relationships upon desire and not upon love are often confused as to what the feeling of love is.  Often when they come to me, they are tired and they feel scattered.  They are in need of some centering and some grounding.  This is because the intimacy of the bed is a sacred space.  It is not a space for many bodies to lay.  It is a space for you to be at your most vulnerable. A space for you to be totally yourself and to be with yourself.  When we let another into this space, if it is simply for instant gratification or for the release of desire, it lessens the sacredness of this space and charges it with negative energy.  The bed becomes a place of emptiness, reflected in the heart and echoed in the soul.

For those of you who have fallen into this trap of allowing desire to rule your body and your relationships, when the time comes for the relationship to end, I recommend you have a length of time alone.  It is the most rewarding thing, to be alone for some time and to just be with yourself.  To go for walks and to channel your sexuality into your spirituality.  It is when you learn to do this, that you will regain your sacred space and you will be prepared for real love to enter into your energy field.

Lovers cooking together  Real love feels easy.  It is simple and uncomplicated.  It doesn’t make you cry or fight, it doesn’t disrespect you or make you feel used or needed too much.  Real love is uplifting.  It fills your soul with joy and peace.  It is a soft place to fall and a warm place to lay.  It is sacred and special and it is something worth waiting for.  Real love fills your heart with a feeling of warmth that can only be described in poetry and song.  That is why so many songs are written about it.  Love transcends sexuality, it is a spiritual, soulful feeling.  It doesn’t need a nightly gratification to confirm it’s place in your life.  It just is.  It longs for another, yet, it feels secure within itself, so it is never really alone.  This is how real, true love feels.

For my own life, I chose to stop, after two 2 year relationships in my twenties, and to be alone until I found someone worthy of my heart.  I chose to look at myself and to work out what it was about me, within me that was attracting these unhappy men into my life.  I didn’t want to go for another round, so I stepped back from relationships.  This period of celibacy allowed me to channel my sexual energy into my spirituality and gave me the ability to grow spiritually.  It was at times difficult and as I was out of reach, I found myself with several marriage proposals every year and declarations of love, from would be suitors.  But I had written a list of what I did want in a man and what I just wouldn’t accept and I stuck to it.  I was told that there was no such man alive and I would be forever alone.  I thought otherwise.  There are billions of men in this world, so there are billions of options and I am happy to wait for the right one.  In the end, I asked my guy out.  I was in control and I got the best.  I never settled for second best because I was lonely or bored.

If I can take control of my sexuality and my desires, then so can you.

Love is a beautiful sacred thing.  It is worth working through your issues and taking some time to be alone.  Love is worth waiting for. Registered & Protected